The answer to the mystery you don't want to know - 2

 The first day I stepped out of the house was at dawn, I bumped into some drunken young college kids.

The sun hadn’t rised yet and I pulled my hood over my head but one of them looked at me with such sharp eyes and mumbled some words. At first, I just tried to pass them without looking back at him then the others talked to me. I couldn’t pick up what they were saying but I assumed it was a sort of greeting in the end. However, I was already alarmed, so I walked away under shade quickly.

“I guess your book would be nice also.“

Suddenly a girl shouted at my back in the distance.

I looked back. In a dim street light, three twentish boys and two girls were walking towards each other in opposite directions. I was amazed at first and as I was about to rise my feet again, I realized what had just happened. I didn’t feel too bad at least when it happened just once. However the next day and the day after the next day some random people came up with akward but friendly gestures and said something consoling to me.

 I should be glad and happy that people didn’t try to strangle me, but the moment people recognized me with such pathetic eyes, I re-realized my position in the world.

She will bug me beyond my grave, Can’t I be in my own world?

 As I walked in the apartment building, I mumbled some words. I put the key in but I couldn‘t turn it right away. Something was stuck inside of the hole. I shook the key and door handle several times but it didn’t move at all.

What the..

 The corridor was dark, and dim sunlight was hovering in the chilly air of the building. The sun was about to slip away and suddenly my brain began to grope the old memory, the forgotten moments when I was in Paris, the sleepless, blurry and dark days.

 The locked door, the chilly air... and it gave me cold shower down my back immediately.

“Why so early?“

Suddenly the door opened abruptly and a voice flew into my ears.

“Hell! Angie!“

It was Angie. She was peaking her head out and looking at me.

“Hell, you gonna give me a heart attack!“ I complained.

“I double lock inside when I’m at home.“

“Why are you at home at this time?“

I asked her while walking into the apartment.

“Did you have dinner?“ She didn’t answer for my question and asked.

It was Angie’s typical way of communicating. If she doesn’t like or doesn’t feel like talking about it, she simply ignores the question. My parents thought she wasn't really aware of the question or she’s just cautious when she talks but it wasn’t true. I know certain Angie-like behavior. She didn’t like to be exposed and dislikes talking about cetrain things at certain times with certain people. She had a lot of rules I guess and whenever people approach her too closely, she made excuses so not to mention about her personal things too much. I don’t know if she had special reasons to do it or she’s merely eccentric.

We were not too close to one another though. My parents never knew about any of us the same way as many other parents do. I can’t say we are a middle class family but considering my dad’s income and the amount of mum’s tax, we had quite a fine life financially.

Our family has a very simple and neat history but it didn’t help make me like them any more. My mum is Japanese who speaks perfect Korean, a very sweet but colorless person. She always agreed with my dad and rarely argued with anyone but I was never crazy about her. Angie gets along well with her but not with my dad. I was okay with my dad but he isn’t much of an interesting person, either. Angie and me both always seeked something else outside of our worlds but not that active in domestic life. Between me and Angie, this was probably the most intimate time I think since we happened to live at her place alone.

 Angie crashed herself on the couch and picked up her magazine wth such a reluctant gesture. If I didn’t show up, she might have been falling asleep.

“You didn’t go to work?“ I asked her again casually.

“Never.“

„What?“

“ I never go to work.“ She said with straight face.

“Haha funny...“

“Don’t get sore, and don’t call my name, call me sister from now. You gotta be more polite..you are thirty not twenty anymore.“

“Now, now. Why the hell suddenly become so considerably different from before? Something happened last week? Something big? Like some crazy national hero was murdered?“ I asked.

Angie’s weak smiled faded out.

“Where have you been all day?“ She asked.

“Went out to buy a book.“

“A book?“ Then Angie turned her head down towards her fashion magazine again.

She didn’t even ask me what kind of book I bought. Whatever came next she remained calm and made no comments.

She’s probably never been interested in anyone or anything. I thought.

She was always a likable person in general, her mild locution, easy going character and casual attitude. However in my eyes, she looked so empty. Even though she had a dirty mouth, she seldomly showed her inner feelings. Since she was three years older than me, I thought she didn’t feel like talking with me bacause I am too young but then after I met her group of friends I realized she’s just like that to everybody.

“So why did you buy that shit?“ Angie asked me finally.

I was looking through some pages of the book across from her seat, and raised my face. She must have noticed my sore feelings from my sudden silence.

“It's Symin’s first book.“ I said.

She looked my way showing her wonder for a while.

“....You might dislike it.“ Angie suddenly said.

It was an unexpected and weird answer.

“Did you read her‘s?“

“The first book is always a bit unpolished and bio autographical..you don’t like knowing about her childhood or whatsoever ...cuz when it comes to her private life, you get this ...“

„So you really read her stuff. Did you buy it by yourself?“

„Oh, well, it was in the school libary.“

Angie had finished her P.D. course in English literature and began to teach in the college last year.

"By the way, why do you think I would dislike it? I probaly want to know about her now.“

"You? Don’t be childish. Why all of sudden do you want to live with her? You wanted to get away from her.“

„What do you mean I want to live with her?“

„All day you are watching TV stories related to her death and searching for news about her on the internet. Why don’t you go back to Paris? You're doing nothing in Korea.“ Angie said.

It was Angie. She says what she thinks in such a casual way without much emotion.

It’s been nine years since I had been Seoul. As my sister said, there was nothing I had to do or I want to do. I lost most of my contacts among school mates so there was no friends to share my time with. Strictly speaking, I only had two to three friends, but after I met them a couple of times, I wasn’t sure we were talking about the same issues or if they were enjoying my company. They smelt me like a house broken dog does towards a wild dog. They seemed to admire my single life somewhat but then there was a moment they didn’t agree with my life in many ways. Sometimes it

came out in a synical tone in their voices or indirect words such as ‘that’s your idea‘, ‘you won’t be satisfied ever.‘

We became too different kinds of people then. I wondered how Symin adjusted to her life in our hometown. She stayed out of Korea longer than I had, probably about 10 years in a row.

I booked my ticket to Paris the same month I arrived in Korea, and went to the airport in Angie’s car the next week.

“I never liked you when you were younger.”

Angie abruptly said while she drove.

“…why?”

I was surprised but asked back calmly.

I wanted to lead this conversation longer than she wanted.

“Because you were like a robot.” She said

“But mum used to say I have anger-management problems. I don’t think robot is the proper word in

that case.”

“Yes, you have a crazy temper but you know how to hide it until the last moment. And you do the proper things. I mean you always did things too properly. Remember, nobody called you by name? We all called you, ‘An, Yujung’. You were not a typical, popular kid, but you were always a school leader or representative of some sort but never had a best friend.”

“…yes. So what is different now?”

I didn’t want to listen to my childhood from someone who didn’t show me any favor.

“I do like that interview last time.” She said

“Oh, that was it.”

Angie was smiling while she was driving.

“It could kill me. You know people could hunt me down and kick me out of Korea. But people were generous in the end. I’m impressed!”

“Because people are not sad or angry, but happy about finding a genius. Inventing a new genius for the new generation." She said, “Well, we have a few things in common now.” Angie said again.

“What’s that?”

“Being single.”

“Being an old maid, you mean? Yes, I don’t think we will ever marry anyone. Because we have the same parents.” I said .

Angie was probably satisfied by this comment, I could see a feeble smile appear around her thin lips.

We didn't talk for another half an hour.

“So we're almost there.”

She said.

“Don’t follow me in, just drive back home. I hate saying goodbye to people in the airport.”As we arrived at the airport, I said.

Anyway I haven’t got much baggage. A few sweaters and pants and Symin’s books, that was it.

“Hey, I think you have changed since I saw you last.” Suddenly my sister said.

“You mean when I was twenty three? I don’t even remember that time.” I answered.

She helped me to pull my carrier out from the back seat and we faced each other over the car.

“Anyway if you ever feel like visiting, you're always welcome. I have a wide wooden floor and huge windows, but no separate room or a living room. There isn't even a wall in the shower room. But you can sleep on my red couch and you can even dance around on the spacey floor! Because I have an old piano there too.” I said cheerfully.

“Okay, If I ever have any time…” Angie seemed to want to say something more but then she stopped.

“We’ll talk later.” She said.

“Sure. Bye then. ” I said even though I wasn’t sure how we could talk more or where we could talk later.

She probably wasn't using msn, skype, facebook or anything useful, but well, I will see her in the future.